How would you describe your relationship with your money? I fight with mine, but he never seems to agree with me. Then I ignore him until we both simmer down. Not very healthy. I recently talked to Morgana Rae, a money coach who writes , about how to turn my money monster into a money honey.
What is your money philosophy?
The underpinning of what I teach is that we all have these subconscious relationships with money as if money were a person. We are human beings so we relate to everything as if it was a human being. Our dogs, our cats, our boats, our cars, our money.
The money we have is very judgmental, sort of a tease and then it leaves us high and dry. It’s as if it’s our fault. The formula for especially women is you have to work so hard for so much and you have to do all the work in the relationship and he’s going to leave you anyway.
No you can’t have this, you can’t have that. It’s like being on a diet. So money becomes this punisher or critic who stresses people out with health care bills and mortgages. If you can change money from this nasty, critical monster who keeps making you work hard for not enough and trade him in for this handsome, romantic, sexy lover who wants to stay with you, you’re going to treat money a little differently.
If you asked your money what he wants he’ll say really nice things. It’s okay to spend money if it’s worth it.
How do we know our money will answer with responsible answers, like you have suggested?
There has to be a level of personal responsibility. There has to be a reality check. There has to be some inner resonance.
What do you mean?
It has to feel true. It really hinges on it being a relationship with another human being. He (money) is not a prince who comes to rescue you. Because then you are the victim.
How can people create a healthy relationship with their money?
I would start by examining all the negative things you’ve heard or seen with money. Find the negative thoughts and turn them into a real bad ass monster that is so intolerable you just want to get rid of him. Then you imagine who would you love so much. This relationship is not based on what he can buy you but on how good a relationship partner you can be to him.
Money likes to be responded to and loved and paid attention to. When money represents all of your failures, your irresponsibility, your guilt for buying that stuff, divorces and breakups and betrayals, people go unconscious. They don’t want to see it. They don’t want to deal with it.
They are running away from their relationship. They are scared of it. The people who most need to pay attention to their money are doing it the least and it’s self fulfilling because the money gets scarier and scarier.
How should we pay attention to our money?
Look at your bank account every week. Write down everything you purchase. There is a consciousness and awareness and decision making that changes you from blithely buying the junk purchases to buying very special nice things with consciousness, awareness, and gratitude that makes you feel good about yourself.
What steps can I take to improve my relationship with my money?
1. Examine your relationship with money. Money is a stand in for everything else. Our choices, our worthiness, our freedom. What are all the things you’ve seen, heard or experienced around money?
2. Make money the bad guy. Get rid of the dynamic of unworthiness and foolishness. You make it so real that you could taste this guy. He makes your skin crawl.
3. Get rid of him.
4. Invent your money honey. You take on the role of the great relationship partner. What do you need from me so you can stay with me?
5. Ask your money what it wants. What do you think of how I am spending you? Do you want this? Do you want me to do that?