Ever walk into a networking event or cocktail party and all you hear is superficial chit-chat? The small talk is deafening and doesn't evolve into anything substantial.
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You walk into a cocktail party, knowing nobody. You make yourself a cocktail, look around the room, and spot another person, silently standing there, sipping their gin and tonic and surveying the scene. To ready their cocktail party conversation kick-starters, the Purcell Sisters will set up a table near the door with blank name tag stickers, markers, and the pre-determined question. They'll ask each guest to write down their answers on the sticker before putting it on. In between the dinner and dessert courses or earlier, if conversation lulls , stand up and ask guests to share their answers picking on them, if necessary. More often than not, there are a couple of answers that will inject new life into the conversation. We're looking for your best and worst conversation starters!
Sometimes knowing what to say to someone with a drinking problem is as much about knowing what NOT to say. Job lost and so on.
For men: no more than 14 standard drinks per week, with no more than 4 of the 14 on any one day. Thanks for your comment! Another way to think about it to realize there is no point in trying to make a logical point with someone exhibiting drinking behaviors. For women : no more than 7 standard drinks per week, with no more than 3 of the 7 on any one day.
Generally these calls take about an hour. Often we sabotage our efforts before even getting started on an intervention.
I have been trying to figure out how to drink to a very close family member about his drinking, and I never really know what to say because he gets so defensive and he never convo me get a word in. Not having dinner waiting is another example of something that a person can do to remind the loved one that they are not willing to support their alcohol abuse. Following the suggestions listed above is a great start. What should I do? For a tonight guide to drug relapse prevention plans and other relapse prevention strategies please feel free to navigate the link below for some useful tips.
This is when he started drinking more and more to the point of dependency. Hi, Lisa. Thank you, and thanks for truely wanting to give support. Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your own experience and how this information would have helped.
A standard drink is defined as: 5 ounces of table wine, 12 ounces of regular beer, 1. The World Health Organization also offers an anonymous assessment. Thanks for reaching out! Hi Libby — Thank you for reaching out — please give me a call at my office,to talk about what you can do. Great post here — thanks! Ah yes. The assessment is on 17, and in America, Question 3 should be 4 or more drinks on one occasion for women and 5 or more for men because drink sizes in America are larger than the world average standard drink size.
Take care. Send me an to lisaf BreakingTheCycles.
Great piece, Lisa! Not only that, but understanding that alcohol abuse is not alcoholism is an important because they BOTH cause drinking behaviors, but they are treated differently. His or her brain is not functioning normally, so they cannot process what you say the way a person who is not under the influence of alcohol would. Sometimes knowing what to say to someone with a drinking problem is as much as knowing what NOT to say.
I know some will disagree with me, but those who have alcoholic blackouts and find out what they did only when someone tells them the next day have alcohol problems, and really should stop drinking. According to Medline Plus a service of the U. About 1 in 5 teens are considered problem drinkers. And their ability to slice and dice and mince words or segue into a counter attack could leave me speechless and defeated.
One other determinant on whether or not someone has a drinking problem: do they have blackouts? Thank you for reaching drink, and I am sorry you are going through this. Yes it would be wonderful if we could have simple, direct conversations — it tends to get way to heated and then both parties go off on side issues, often getting downright mean. Please convo free to contact me via at lisaf BreakingTheCycles.
This is an excellent guide on how to tactfully confront someone about the perils of alcoholism in a non-confrontational way. When I was reading the part about alcohol abuser v. I remember when I was in the thick of it with secondhand drinking and not understanding the science behind alcohol abuse, alcoholism and secondhand drinking — the things I said as I lashed out at all of it — I shudder to recall.
Am I an alcoholic, or what!?
Alcohol is not processed like other foods and liquids through the digestive system. But with these kinds of conversations, rarely is this possible. Dang, this is so strong, Lisa. I particularly appreciated your inclusion of remembering that a person with the disease of alcoholism is a person first. You make some great points here about what to say and what not to say.
Drinking behaviors, include:. The use of the term secondhand drinking SHD is to help reframe the terms codependency or enabler, as examples.
How incredibly nerve wracking to even attempt it! Those who have blackouts may not fit into those standard boxes, but blackouts are very dangerous. Assess Your Risk Factors.
Thank you for all of your work in helping raise awareness about how we can better talk to and help a loved one with a substance abuse problem get help. And if they get defensive at any point, remind them you are doing this out of love and concern.
Thank you, Cathy, and thank you for sharing your other suggestions. Can you believe that!? Curious inner-dynamic. And why do I start with drinking behaviors?
The second half of the book explains what happens to family members and friends and what they can do to take back control of their lives. Hi Orville — new research is explaining that blackouts occur for people who are not alcoholics — heavy binge drinkers, for example, experience them. I want to be fully informed before I say anything. Coping with drinking behaviors causes tonight activation of the fight-or-flight stress response. He got a job again and all went drink, until holidays and I was sooo afraid of it. And to learn more about secondhand drinking and what you can do about it, check out my short eBook, Secondhand Drinking: A Phenomenon That Convo Millions.
This is an updated version of my original post of this title published in If you have further questions, feel free to contact me at lisaf breakingthecycles. I would have saved my alcoholic loved ones and me a lot of unpleasant conversations.
There is no sober time. Your work always makes me think, Lisa. We tend to want to get it ALL out there and then have a solution — an action plan — by the end of the conversation. And tons of resources, as usual. Please note — the AUDIT is deed and intended as a screening tool to be used by a medical practitioner, so for the layperson — it should be considered information only. for the PDF download. In other words, it can help with a productive come-back. For the alcoholic, they have the brain disease of addiction and must stop drinking all together for it is the alcohol that triggers their brain disease.
I just wanted to say thank you for this information and guidance. Great post Lisa! Publishers, take note of Lisa. Another tactic is to leave the room or remove yourself from the intoxicated person, so that you are not interacting with them at all when they are under the influence, even letting them know that you are choosing not be around them when they are abusing alcohol.
Thanks so much for the shout out, Jody! Cold turkey. There is no charge. Hi Libby — feel free to call me at my office atand I can give you some suggestions. Thank you for this, Lisa. Thank you, Beth!
These kinds of behaviors occur with a variety of drinking patterns, including binge drinking drinking 3 or more standard drinks on an occasion for women and 4 or more for menheavy drinking drinking 8 or more standard drinks a week for women and 15 or more for menalcohol abuse routine binge drinking or heavy social drinkingand alcoholism now understood to be a chronic, often relapsing brain disease. Rather, it is metabolized broken down by enzymes in the liver, and it takes the liver about one hour to get rid of they ethyl alcohol chemicals in one standard drink.
Once we successfully treat an addiction then relapse prevention becomes our next hurdle to cross.
Although these kinds of statements are totally normal, they generally stem from not understanding that when a person drinks more than their liver can process rid the body ofthe alcohol continues to change brain function, which is why the person behaves the way they do. Dealing with someone who has an addiction requires a very soft and delicate manner. Do you think it would be a good idea to write him a letter? Thanks, and take care… Bill. Hi maam. This information will get my family and I on the right path.
He thinks normal then. I always appreciate you stopping by and adding your insights, Bill!
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